10.0 out of 30

Describe the world to someone who has been in a coma for 100 years…

Well good morning ma’am and welcome to the future. You have been in a coma for 100 years. When you fell asleep, things were a lot different than they are now. You will need to take this all in slowly, as the way of the world is not as you used to know it. Since its me explaining all the wonders the world has to offer, and not some scholar, we are going to start with the basics. Things that I find interesting in the world today.

When you fell asleep all those years ago, in order to find out information on ANYTHING, you would either need to go to a library and try to research from books or find someone who was a expert in such topic you were wanting to know about. Or you could go out and create these answers for yourself through extensive experiments, etc. Now a days, we find majority of our information on the internet. With a few touches of a few buttons, the entire worlds knowledge is at the grasps of our finger tips. And it is amazing! It started out with a computer. Some tons of scientists from over a span of a long long time, had ideas that we would have this type of technology. Finally, computers were created. On these computers, you had the internet. This internet connected the world together. Now instead of sending a letter on a horse to where  you needed it to go, and it taking days, weeks, or years to get there. You could send information through the sky, if you will, in the snap of a finger. And so long as the other person receiving this information was online as well, they would receive it in a matter of seconds, minutes. The entire world was now connected by this technology. And information was readily available. If you want to know how many eyes a fly has, you just hop on, type it in, and there we go. You had your answer. Now, I know this makes NO sense. So I will show you by first talking about the next amazing thing we use everyday.

When you fell asleep, telephones were not so big in America. There were landlines in some peoples homes, but not everyone had these telephones. Actually, very little people had these phones. What do telephones have to do with the internet? You will see. While you rested, we came a very long way from those landlines. More and more homes started to get landlines. Then landlines became cordless. You could walk around your entire home, without being bound to one place by the wretched curly cord. Then we got to cell phones and cell phones are now smartphones. Which is what I will show you and attempt to explain to you. This is my smartphone. Here on this phone, not online can you make phone calls to ANYONE, anywhere in the world, so long as they have a phone as well. You can play games, you can take notes, you can even take pictures and videos. I’ll explain videos to you later. You will be amazed! Its basically moving pictures. Besides that, this phone can be used practically anywhere. I take it with me and I am not only connected to people when I need to be, but I am connected to the internet. Here, see. The worlds information is at the grasps of my hands at any given moment. It has its ups and downs. I’m sure we’ve become lazier as a species somehow. But thats besides the point.

Those videos I were talking about look like this… They capture moments as pictures do, but in a whole new way! For me, videos have been around my whole life, but for you, its obviously a new a crazy idea! I push one button, and the phone/camera does the rest. If you want to know how it works, well, like I said, I’m no scholar, but you can use the phone/internet to look it up! Isn’t that something. Then you just point it at whatever it is you would want to capture and you now how a video of what we were just doing and saying. AMAZING!

When you fell asleep, traveling took quite sometime. Now we travel all over the world in what will seem like record speeds compared to what you are used to. Seeing here on the internet, the fastest a car used to be allowed to travel was 10mph. That was the speed limit. That is a crawl! I could run faster than that! Now, on main roads, speed limits can range from 25-45 mph, and when traveling on LARGE roads we call freeways, highways, and interstates, you can travel up to 80mph. In a car. Not to mention airplanes! Now a days, we travel by airplanes all the time. Its our fastest means of travel, if I’m not mistaken. Before, traveling from lets say California to New York would probably take maybe 4-5 days to a week by train. A rough guess to say the least. Now, you can travel that distance by plane in about 6 hours. That is if you can get a straight flight. Most times you have to stop off in other cities first, but thats because of other reasons that are based around money, I assume.

I think for now, that is all I am going to spew on you. There is so much more to learn, but for me to throw it all at you in one sitting would be rude of me. You did just wake up after all. I will leave you with this phone to play around with. Maybe you will find out much much more information on your own.

Memories

How do I get my thoughts back?

How do I get anything back?

Can I become the person I was before, when I was not the one who wanted ‘that me’ to go away? When I didn’t even realize that things had changed?

Facebook has decided that it wants us to remember what we wrote about, took pictures of, etc. on each day for the last how many ever years we were on its site. I honestly love looking back, even to the painful memories. But lately, it has me feeling a certain way.

Blog world, you don’t know it, but I’m currently going through some things. I’ve been going through some things for quite some time. I always tried to hide it well. Portray a better life than I was living. But now all those things turned into actions. I’m getting a divorce. I honestly thought that this would never happen, yet all the things, and the things, kept piling up.

Now, what does that have to do with the memories?? Well, in a few short years, there won’t be memories to look back at from certain years. I realized not to long ago, that the outgoing, spontaneous, crazy, “I could give a shit,” girl had disappeared. I realized that I was no longer the one to start conversations or just start laughing about something going on in my own head. I’m not even really sure I laugh at all anymore.

I started to read back on old journal entries, coded blog posts, etc. I started to see that I was being put down. I thought I was loved. But loved doesn’t make you feel ashamed of who you are. Love is supposed to build you up.

Those memories from the past, used to be so fun! Such random, tiny little thoughts that would pop into my head, and then I would post it because I thought it might make someone else happy or laugh. Now, when I go and read them, I try to come up with something to post, and its forced, and even when trying to force something, I have nothing to say.

A memory not from the internet, but from my own head, a realization that things started to not be okay. I used to love trying to talk in different accents. Friends and I would do it together all the time. It was funny, quirky and whatever else imaginative we wanted it to be. Especially since we mostly SUCKED at them. But we had fun. Then I started doing it around “him”, and apparently it wasn’t funny. It was not cute. It was not anything. Apparently to “him” it was annoying. The memory I remember, was of a British accented person speaking…. “He” made a comment about how SEXY it sounded… I commented back, “I thought you didn’t like those accents..” To which the reply I got was, “No, I don’t like when YOU do it.” My only able reply was “Why?”…. “Because its not yours, you’re faking it.. ”

I was crushed. And not because I wasn’t SEXY…. But because he really didn’t even understand why I did it. That it wasn’t about being sexy. I was just trying to have some fun the way I always did. And as I looked back, there were more and more and more of these moments. Of the little random things I used to do or say, that would be put down. So slowly but surely, almost without even knowing, I stopped doing them. I stopped doing anything. I didn’t feel the need to try and be or have fun anymore, because I didn’t want to be put down.

And now, when I go and hang out or talk with old friends… They notice. And they let me know they know. And it sucks because, when I try to bring those little things back, I feel embarrassed. And I never did before.

The most soul crushing part is that I don’t even laugh. I don’t know how to laugh. Because I’m scared.

Love shouldn’t do that.

Winded

Just took my 2 y/o on a walk around the block with grama. We went twice around, a nice little pace, nothing crazy. My feet started hurting and I was winded. I had to call it quits. He still wanted to continue around, so grama kept going. But man, two times around the block? Thats it? Thats all I’ve got in me? This pregnancy sure it taking its toll on me, and I definitely keep up with workouts to stay in shape. Not that I ever really did keep up with working out. BUT STILL!

Babies…. The second time around.

I am currently 37 weeks pregnant. With my second child. It is amazing how different things can go from one pregnancy to the next. They are definitely polar opposites. The only thing that remains the same is that I still very much dislike being pregnant. I just don’t understand how those women out there who love being pregnant, love it. I just don’t. From the sickness in the beginning, to the growing out of clothes, all the way up to the not being able to move my body properly anymore. Even the baby moving kind of creeps me out sometimes!

With my first pregnancy, I was SO sick for the first 4 months. I could not eat anything. One bite, and I was off to the toilet. I had to force the food down a couple bites at a time to make sure I was getting enough nourishment. With my second pregnant, I would only get nauseous when I didn’t eat. It was a complete change from the first time. And a nice change for sure!

This time, I am also way bigger than I was the last time. I gained only 45lbs last pregnancy vs 57lbs, so far, this pregnancy. Which has in turn caused me to get MASSIVE stretch marks vs one tiny little scratch my first. That doesn’t really bother me so much, but when the marks appeared, it was like damn, I was doing so well!

And as far as nesting goes that is different also! I don’t feel the need to buy ALL the things I felt the need to buy the first time around. The essentials is all that is needed. Even “cleaning” the house in preparation isn’t on my to do list. The house is as the house will always be and I’m to exhausted to care.

I am so excited for little bean #2 to make his debut so I can see all the differences I will have with taking care of this second baby vs how I did things the first time.

Olympics 

Watching the Olympics is just so motivating.

Other than the fact the my mother & I are 3 glasses of wine in & about to eat the rest of our Mexican dinner, I find the Olympics to give me a boost of motivation towards a healthy lifestyle. 

It’s like, okay, these people are only human, & I am only human, so I must be able to do something worth of something. Lol. 

I can say that instead of not working out at all, I have done 8 push ups today. So mark that on the calendar! It’s a step in the right direction. 

Another day another moment closer to our fate. 

Another day another wrinkle. 

Another day another lesson learned. 

Another day another smile revealed. 

Growing up but not growing old. 

I’m sitting here in my moms living room. My 17 year old counsin, my 21 year old other cousin, & cousins boyfriend of 19 years old are talking about Pokemon go. Then they started talking about the creator & his bug collection. & yada yada. Then they brought up his autism. So I peeped my little ears in. & they were wondering about his autism & how he was able to do such a thing. So I was trying to talk to the 21 year old cousin about how he has Aspergers. & she’s trying to focus in on me…. & then the 17 year old chimes in talking to the 19 year old “assburgers….teheheheheh.” Then I got irritated. Then I made a Twitter post. 

It started really getting me thinking about my self. Lol. & about how we can grow up & all life experiences slowly take us more & more into adulthood. For instance, I always related to my sixteen year old self. A very lost & scared & sad youth. But I was very close with God. & I was very much right in myself in most ways even when I thought I was lost. I don’t know if that makes sense. But as I grew older & older & father & farther away from sixteen, I still always felt that my actions & thoughts were still of that sixteen year old me. Now let me just let you know now, I am 25 years old. Almost 10 years from 16 & I still have moments where I like to think I’m still 16.  

But then life throws a real teenager at me & I’m FULLY reminded that I have most definitely grown since I was 16 years old. I have learned SO SO much since then. & I have so much more to learn. & I’m starting to realize at this age, that this might be the ripest time of my life. I am in a period within my own self that I can realize that although I am aging & growing & having to do adult things, and I’m learning which is pushing me towards growing towards more adult things, that doesn’t mean I have to let go of who I truly resonate with. & that is always the light hearted, unaffraid, daring, brave, give no shits teenaged girl. 

Side note! ****& for the teenager in my life that I speak of! If you are reading this, you know who you are. Don’t take this to heart, I am not upset with you. I, too, have made MANY a stupid comments out of ignorance. & God only knows I still say the stupidest of things. Because I just like the rest of us, do not know everything! It just bugged me because autism isn’t a funny thing! & you will (hopefully) learn that! Love you boo!****

So I hope you take something away from this blog post. It was just a little Twitter rant that turned into an eye opening moment for myself! So I thought I would share it with my readers. Thank you guys! Have a great night & God bless!