It has been a long time coming…

It is a little more then half way through my husbands first deployment. This has been the most strengthening and eye opening experience, surprisingly. 

In the first month I was able to be in contact with my husband quite frequently. We would text or skype every night, for the most part. He was on land so it made it quite easy. I did not feel like it was as much of a struggle to get through as I had thought it was going to be. I mean, do not get me wrong, it is really difficult to spend every single day with someone and then one day they are not there anymore, but I know that he is just having to do his job. The fact that I could still confide in him all my happiness, struggles and burdens of the day was wonderful. Given that he is my best friend and the only real person I feel I can talk to. Communication was everything.

But then, after the month was up, he had to head out into the middle of whatever ocean he was near. That meant communication would be stripped away from us until he and the boat got to pull into port somewhere about a month later. Now this is where the real struggle and pain and loneliness kicked in. I did not know where he was. I did not know if he was alive, dead, hurt, sad, happy, mad, having a good time, or a bad time, and it just took a toll on me. I was constantly coming up with different scenarios for what could be happening and all of them were never good. I was just filled with worry. FOR NO REASON EITHER. But that is how my brain works.

  Also, a little back history, my last relationship ended through an email during my exes deployment, so that just added even more to my fears. I just kept expecting that he was either hurt, gone, or over me. None of which is true thus far. Every time he would be able to contact me he was full of love and reassurance that we can get through this. My faith in him was restored over and over again, and it wasn’t even his fault the faith was not there. But he kept proving himself to be the amazing man that I married and am going to be with for the rest of my life. 

Now he is out in the ocean again. He just left a couple days ago from port. So another month of no communication, and hopefully the last. We have about a little under three months left to go. I know that once he at least gets back on last, it will take a little of the edge off what both of us are feeling. And I definitely cannot wait till he is back home safe and in my arms. 


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